twofold betrayal
It is a tangled, torturous thing, to be betrayed by something you love.
A person, a place, a philosophy.
As if the betrayal itself is not bad enough — the sucker punch, truth to dust, smiles to sneers and smattered veneers — the force of it doubles you over when coupled with knowing the ill will, lies spilled, came from a world you believed safe. That your primitive self deemed free of predators and open pits, that you saw as a space where you could exhale, eyes closed, and be. As you are, flaws and fierceness and follies and future and all, wrapped up within you and around you, free to enter and exit without fear of what may lurk in the murky shadows, a lion on the verge of pouncing —
and then —
the veil falls.
Stupid, you mutter to yourself. How could I let my guard down? I should have expected it.
Betrayal, woven so deeply into the universe’s fabric — serpent to sapien: desire; man to his maker: hubris; brother to brother: envy of another, and so it continues the trail of misdeeds and greed; the beads of sweat, bitten lips letting out little white lies and gaping black holes of alibis, so far beyond the realm of absurd that somehow they’re believed, word for twisted word.
It shouldn’t catch us by surprise, be followed with regret, and yet, we forget, we fervently deny the rotten intentions when the apple of the eye is targeted by witch hunts and libels and poison, slogans, unstories, sinister, broken.
Heart cracked open.
Exposed to the cold; reality and bitterness blowing in with the draft, ripped life raft, roaring loud as the wind, you should not have let them in and how can you let them win and how can people change on the tiniest of whims — what was the trigger — ego bruised? bad news? Or just a ruse, was it there all along and the signs were ignored till they gathered and lumped under rugs and floorboards, banging like a stick thumping ceilings, let me out, till the ugly truth rears its head and shouts shouts shouts.
Too much doubt, no clout. Breath bated, hooked and baited like trout. Words tumble out their mouth — filthy water from a spout and you thrashed about as they snuffed the lights out, a bag over your head, but you crawled and you climbed, and digested what they projected, infected; but then exercised your agency and exorcised it out — you swear never again will you allow it, unprotected. You’ll deflect it and reject it, the manipulative lines and you’ll rise above and smile — you can’t bring me down this time.